I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize