I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
