You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize