shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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