we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
