Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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