I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
