thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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