found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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