She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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