my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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