believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize