It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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