why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize