Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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