So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
