I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
