I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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