I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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