How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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