I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
