im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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