So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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