your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We have started to decorate penises.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
