it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
