Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
