i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
