oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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