She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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