I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
