You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
