So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
