Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize