just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
