we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
