So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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