what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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