I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
