My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
