but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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