; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize