you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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