Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
