I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize