he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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