you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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