He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
