So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
