i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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