i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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