I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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