he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
