Will you blow on my dice?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
