they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
