I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
