I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
