this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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