dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
