You really coming over, don't trick.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
