I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
