I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
