The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
