I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
