just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
