1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
