Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
