playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
