I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
