It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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